I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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