I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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