Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
