Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
