His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
