I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
