it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
