I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
