ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
