I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
