Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
