I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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