my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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