Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
