Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
