What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
