It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
