I got chris browned last night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
