Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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