if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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