i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
this is an emotional support booty call
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
