she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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