oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
