i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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