My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
