I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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