Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
