At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
