You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
