im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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