remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
