I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
