So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
