the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
