nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
