no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
