We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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