she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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