tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
