paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
