I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
