Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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