I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
