i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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