Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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