Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
