I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
