i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
