i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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