Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
