Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Its about making memories worth repressing
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
