remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
