I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
