whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
