I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
