Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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