Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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