that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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