its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
