How'd it feel making her break her religion?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
