his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
