i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
