to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
