Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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