Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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