It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
