If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
