saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
