So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
