my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
