Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
