Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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