Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
