now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
