I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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